Posted by: JB | May 12, 2012

Golf Thoughts 2012

Back for its 2nd edition is “Golf Thoughts” by Josh Barnett.  Despite zero demand from the participants of the Weekend for Wes I’m going to take another shot at predicting how this year’s golf scramble plays out…ok really I’m just going to make fun of some teams and give you all some things to be on the lookout for.

With the field expanding from 34 teams last year to 60 teams this year we have a lot of ground to cover.  I don’t know everybody who is playing in the scramble (if I did I would run for Mayor) so if your team is left out I apologize and I’ll try to get to know you so I have something to say in regards to your team next year.  Let’s examine the AM scramble first.

As far as I’m concerned the sun rises and sets at the feet of one Joseph “Pockets, Pattern” Patton, or Coach Patton as most know him.  To understand the “Pockets, Pattern” nickname please refer to the picture below.

Patton’s pockets were so big that when I asked him how his wife was doing she poked her head out to say hi, then went back inside it to lay on the couch to watch TV.  What will he do as a wardrobe encore?  God only knows.  My guess… vivid pastels and airbrushing.  Moving along…

A not so interesting subplot to the AM shotgun is the Battle of the Banks.  Several of our teams are sponsored by their respective banks.  We have a First Bank team, Old National Bank team, Banterra is represented albeit very poorly (Kevin Canterbury, Brian Woods), and 5/3 has several members of its bank spread out across many teams.  To make things a little more competitive I’ll throw this out there…whichever bank shoots the best score will get the Barnett Family account.  Good luck ladies and gentlemen a $288 checking account is riding on every shot.  Tension fills the air…

“The Golden One” aka Brian “LC” Claybourn makes his anticipated debut at the Weekend for Wes after missing last year’s event due to work obligations.  We’re happy to have him playing this year for the 2 years of hard work he’s put in.  For all the hard work you’d think he would have been a little more choosey with his teammates (see Jesse Gehlhausen).

Great news!  “Hard to Handle” Randall Dierlam is back for another W4W experience.  Bad news!  He brought Jon Dierlam and Troy Vaupel back with him.

Just when I thought the Pale Necks couldn’t get any dumber they drop Dan Woods in favor of Mike Crews and TOTALLY REDEEM themselves!  Brilliant move there, and saved me about 13 hours of leg work trying to get Dan to send his money in.  From the bottom of my heart thank you.  Only other thing worth watching with this team is at what temperature does Canterbury leave his beloved mock turtle neck in the closet in favor of a polo?  Or does he simply wear the polo with a dickey?  Can’t wait to try to figure out the fashion enigma that is Kevin Canterbury.

I’m excited to announce that the W4W has an all women’s team in the field this year, the Bush Whackers.  As we continue to grow we need more women and younger kids playing and participating in all events.

Jason Senning and Andy Kissel being on the same team is almost too much for me to handle, the fact that they are related is mind blowing.  It’s like if me and Wingert were brother in laws, that…would…be…awesome!  None of that has anything to do with golf so I’ll end this segment by saying they’ll be terrible and pose zero threat at taking the title.

Does Nick Leaf still have the best beard in the W4W or is he coming in with a clean shaven look?  Only time will tell, but if you catch yourself asking someone, “Hey, who’s the Amish guy?” that means the beard is back and that’s bad news for the field.  Nick Leaf with a beard= contenders, Nick Leaf sans a beard= pretenders.

The Weekend for Wes got better with the addition of Tom Bealmear, so a thank you is due to Jake Tucker.  We appreciate all the Mater Dei guys coming out and playing in our event, and in the future we hope to expand the amount of Mater Dei participants.  Now how did we get better because of Tom Bealmear playing, you ask?  I don’t know, and I don’t even really believe that.  I just needed a segway into thanking Tucker for bringing a group from Mater Dei and that was the best I could come up with.

If Chad Schwartz swings a golf club like he used to shoot lay ups then Westside Friends just became a must see team.  Glad to see Mark “Frog” Zeller back in the fold, if for no other reason than I get to reference the Frog Zeller Rule we put in our basketball rules.  I haven’t forgotten and as long as you play in the Weekend for Wes you will be reminded of it.

Cigars are on me Jose!  For all the work on the trophies that Jose Serra put in for us I promised him a cigar for the golf course.  That will instantly turn his team into “185 yards off the tee and a cloud of smoke”.  If this team is in contention coming down the stretch, which I severely doubt, all you need to do is whisper this in Paul James’ ear…”Just saw on Twitter Cody Zeller tore both of his ACLs.”  That should do the trick…

Champagne Dreams kept the core of their team together from last year while adding a couple newbie’s.  Matt Bradfield is back and if there is a way to commit a traveling violation in golf he’d be the guy to do it.  Chad Wingert anchors this team in a way that only a 6’1 135lb man can…very poorly.  Dane Chandler and Nathan Osburn better be aliases for Rickie Fowler and Hunter Mahan for this team to have a prayer.

Four Carnahan’s on one team should be illegal in this state (it’s not I looked it up), but that’s exactly what we have with the Irish Carn Bombers.  Family teams are bound to implode under pressure and I don’t see the Carnahan’s being any different.

Welcome back LB!  Larry Broerman comes back with a new team to represent Hot Stove.  If you are playing around this team beware of Tony Jourdan and his infamous behind the back no look passes.  He had a mix tape before And-1 was even born.  Problem is one behind the back through the legs no look putter toss could wipe out half his team.  And at their age I wouldn’t consider them quick healers.

The returning champs are in the AM shotgun with a newly assigned name of Paper Champs.  Meaning on paper they are the defending champs but in reality they lost THE defending champ (Gary Wolfe).  Picking up Ben Forrest is not a bad trade off unless you are trying to win again.  That means there will be a new champ…

Something tells me it won’t be Big Bogeys.  I’ve never met them or seen them play golf but that name doesn’t scream confidence.  On to the PM shotgun…

My favorite team in this whole scramble is the Howell Par 3 Legends.   They prove that to be considered a legend you don’t have to be good because they suck at Howell too.  If you ever needed to convince yourself that P90x does nothing good for your golf game then you’ll want to keep a close eye on Kyle Attebury.  Brutal.  That said he’s the best golfer on the team.  Anybody caught behind them be prepared for a very slow round thanks to Scott Hartmann’s waggle.  It drives the women of Evansville crazy though.

My favorite to win the whole thing is obviously the Piggyback Bandits.  Going into it with the fighting spirit and determination of their name sake (Click Here!) this group will not be denied.  Never mind that Jason Russell and Matt Breivogel can’t swing a club because of back injuries, that I will be going on about an hour and a half of sleep thanks to the newest addition to the Barnett family, and that we tried to trade Jeff Dierlam for his dad in the off season.  We thrive on adversity and that’s why this team has championship written all over it.

Want to know how the movie Rounder’s would have played out had the setting been a golf course?  Me neither, but if you did then you’ll want to follow Gamblers Anonymous.  This team is anything but anonymous with the likes of Clint Keown and Tyrone Browning on the team.  My guess is as long as it took them to get their $55 Weekend for Wes fees paid they aren’t exactly on a hot streak.  However, be warned that if you walk into their web of odds while out on the course you have nobody to blame but yourself when they drive off in your car.  I said it last year and I’ll say it again this year, if I don’t hear a story that goes a little something  like this, “That’s when Tyrone said $100 a hole!” and “Keown trumped him with $100 a shot! And that’s when we all started playing our own ball.” at the end of the round I’ll be shocked.

What’s the first thing that pops into your mind when someone says “Pure”?  If it’s not Mike Volkman it should be.  Purity, or the state of being pure is back for another title run at W4W, and along with Volkman comes last year’s Long Drive Champion Kyle Niemeier.  I tried to get a steroid testing policy pushed through the board for this year’s event but was denied.  So live it up Niemeier, one more year!

If you’ve ever wondered if Jordan Brand makes golf apparel, seek out Danny Fulton during the PM shotgun and you’ll have your answer one way or the other.

19nine has an uphill battle when it comes to Kevin Spahn’s focus.  With all of the hole sponsor signs that he designed staring at him at every hole will he ever stop admiring his work in order to hit a shot?  Highly doubtful.  Plus Aaron Loomer and Spahn’s friendship is about as stable as Charlie Sheen during a weekend in Amsterdam.

A rivalry renewed?  Several years ago at a wedding reception I challenged Zach Martin to a 4 on 4 team golf competition.  He told me it would have the same result as him challenging me to a basketball game.  Come May 19th we shall find out.  That’s why Zach Attack is within arm’s reach of the Piggyback Bandits in what is being deemed (by me only) as the “Duel of Destiny”.  By the way Zach’s team could be a potential championship contender.

Chilly Willy’s Pub is fielding a team again this year led by Britt Wilson.  Is it possible to lead a team while holding it back from reaching its full potential?  Yes, I call it the “Britt Effect”.

But the only “effect” that matters this weekend is the “Wes Effect”.  60 teams, 240 players all here because of Wesley James Attebury.  What a testimony to a great friend, son, brother, cousin, husband and father. Wes doesn’t need the Weekend for Wes to keep his name alive because of all the people he was able to touch while he was here.  This is something all of us want to do to show our appreciation and love of Wes and to remind him of the impact he made on all of us.  I cannot express how thankful we all are to each of you for helping us put on a first class event.

See you Saturday, May 19th rain or shine!


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